Dancing With the Stars live blog

It's back.  I got a lot of positive reviews on the last time I did a girly show live blog and Natalie has taken over the man cave with dancing with the stars so I'm taking over this blog with my live blogging skills.  I didn't get to see last week's season premiere because of my being a dude.  But I'm ready for this week.  Here we go.
Oh Snap Pamela Anderson is in this thing.  I am in a panic to come up with jokes fast.
My first glance favorite is Erin Andrews and Chad Ochocinco. 
In other news I just watched Josh Selby win the slam dunk contest.  If he doesn't come to KU you will find me in the same closet from the video.
Chad's suit does not fit him.
OH SNAP I was right about the Bachelor the whole time.  He is shorter then Erin Andrews by like 3 feet. I think he is the shortest man ever.
I wonder how has prison yard tat wife feels about him dancing?
Shannon Doherty looks like an old baseball glove that I used when I lived in Atlanta when I played catch with my sister.  Good times. 
Hold up did anybody tell Shannen that they take footage of the practice ?  She is acting like it's just her and her spriteley dancing partner alone.
Favorite line so far "I think I can pull this jive off"  Shannen Doherty.
Shannen can not dance.  That is all. 
Natalie comment #1  "She did way better this week"  Which brings me to ask the question did she just do the robot and then flip off the judges last week?
Shannen has huge teeth.  I am a mean person.
First commercial break
So now we are on to the soap star.  Which begs the question isn't this dancing with the STARS?  I am just hating he is probably tight. 
Dang this practice footage is serious.  These people get so bent out of shape.  The soap star just got his feelings hurt.  Soap star just asked to "hug it out"  I think they are fine now. 
That was a pretty good routine.  What the heck makes these things a good routine?  It just looked way less awkward then Shannen so I say it's good. 
The judge said "last week you were trying to hard".  This is the same thing that my mom tells me every single week. 
Ok they got a worse score then Shannen.  Is this just my hatred against Shannen rearing it's ugly head?
Second commercial break.
Ok the next guy is a figure skater?  Of course he can dance!  He is a frickin figure skater!  This should be a wrap for this dude. 
I guess this dude won the gold medal.  How did I miss that. 
Natalie comment #2  "I think he's a gay"  What tipped you off babe?
This show is amazing!  I know what I'm goin to be doin until Monday Night Football.
Here is some footage of my favorite figure skaters. 


Third commercial break.
Ok I can't wait till the Bachelor dances. So far the only think I can clown him on is that jacket. My mind is racing.
 Pamela Anderson better not be soon. I'm not ready with the jokes.
Ok this black lady is funny. I have no jokes cause she has jokes.
That was a very humorous routine. I couldn't see it all cause I was googleing who the flip Niecy Nash is. Is googleing a word? How would you spell it. Judge just called her "Frothy"
Fourth commercial break
Ok here is Chad Ochocino on the top ten for Letterman. I didn't watch it I just posted it. That's how much confidence I have in the top ten list. Somebody email me if it's got language.


Oh Yes! Bachelor is up next. There is a shot of his wife! 
Ok the practice footage is a little misleading. He looks normal height there. The thing is his dance partner is shorter then Claudia Pech. Ok everybody knew I was coming after Claudia on this blog. I can't believe it's taken me this long.
Ok I thought this guy was a pilot? Is he still flying Air Tran from Cleveland to Jersey City or did they get someone else on that? He has had a hiatus for like a couple of years right?
Ok they picked the song "Hip to be Square" All I can think of is that scene on "American Psycho"
One judge calls him for a "lift" I don't get what the flip that means. But if he doesn't want to get back to Air Tran he better cut that mess out.
Dang that girl judge messed them up with a 6. Kinda messed up.
Fifth commercial break
Wait hold up. This show is coming on tomorrow night? If Natalie thinks she is taking over down here then...I've got to find a buddy's house to watch sports. Would anyone like to watch sports tomorrow?
Buzz Aldrin's wife is hideous. Looks like she has had some work done.
I feel bad for Buzz. Why is he on this show? Did he lose a bet. This is some terrible dancing. Oh I feel bad. I am sad. No jokes here. This guy is an American hero.
 The judges are goin to mess him up so nasty.
 I can't watch. Literally I can't but Natalie won't change the channel.
Ok I've got to throw some props to Buzz cause they are murdering this guy


That's a man's man right there.
Buzz just made a joke about having sex with his wife. Grody.
Sixth commercial break. This show is going on forever.
Now the pussycat doll lady is dancing. She can dance.
Oh wait I thought I saw a lift for a second.?
Natalie comment #3 "I am surprised a boob didn't pop out."
The judges are feeling this.
Two judges hand out 10's and one hand's out an 8 for those of you keeping score at home.
Seventh commercial break
This is rapidly approaching my longest blog of all time. Not good.
Erin Andrews is next. Here is footage.


They are dancing to Taylor Swift. A horrible rendition of Taylor Swift.
I know Taylor Swift and the singer in the band there is no Taylor Swift.
Wait. This mug has been on for ten seasons? Do people watch this show?
Eighth commercial break. I am fading.
Pam Anderson is up next. How old is she?
 She doesn't have the same glow of the Pamela Anderson I used to know.
 Natalie better watch Rocky 2 with me. This mug is a give and take.
 I wonder if Pamela is regretting the barbed wire tat. It is really aging well.
 Pam looks like T-1000 from Terminator 2.
Commercial break nine
Chad Ochocinco is next. He is funny.
 Natalie comment #4 "Who does he play for? Is he good?" I have failed as a sports fan and husband.
Looks like Chad can't dance. They picked the most anti Chad song of all time. I think it was that song by "Train". He is from Miami. Why can't we get some Rick Ross?
 Judges are killin this guy. I feel bad for him.
 Oh Snap judge just said dancing is just like football. She is an idiot.
 Terrell Owens is in the crowd. I have seen him torch the Chiefs in person several times.
 Chad sounds very sad. Dang they gave Chad only a couple points better then Buzz.
Kate from the show about all the little babies is next. She is really running with these fifteen minutes of fame. Hasn't it been like a half hour already. I know I'm hating.
 It doesn't look she is getting along with her dance partner.
 Natalie comment #5 "This is the reason here marriage didn't work". Natalie pulls no punches.
Commercial break #10
Dang after watching her and her partner try to figure things out I kinda want to watch that series where her and her husband hate each other.


Ok she is dancing now. She has as much rhythm as...I have no jokes cause that was terrible.
 Natalie comment #6 "She is awful".
The judges said her face had fear. That can't be good in ballroom dancing.
 I am never watching this show again. Was this a waste of time?
 Natalie comment #7 "She needs to stop with the jokes about her failed marriage".
 Ok Kate got better scores then Buzz and Chad. I'm mad. I can see why this show drives the ladies wild. Ok I am about to watch something with at least 2 guns. Holla!