What's Your Motivation?

The other night my buddy Mike and I were watching a movie. We started talking about our tastes in movies. I was saying that I didn't really like Robin Hood all that much but I felt like I needed to like it ‘cause I've been hyping that mug all day on this blog. Mike mentioned that we were kind of the same in the way that we both have many opinions about things but try to act like we don't. He hit the nail right on the head for me. I do have many opinions about things but I act like I don't cause I think people don't want to hear them (Sorry, if you are a close friend of mine you have to listen to my opinions. It comes with the job). When I ask people what they like about my blog many to my surprise have mentioned that they like the things that I write. So I am going to write an article about dating. If you don't want to hear my opinion on that then stop reading right now and feel free to check out some of the cats videos that I've been posting. Them mugs are cute.


I recently wrote an article about spring dating at Union College . I was warning students about the dangers of starting a new relationship when it seems like it's so sweet. Right now I want to talk a little bit about motivation. I see a lot of students and their main motivation is to get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Guys are trying to get girls to like them and girls are trying to be attractive to the guys. Everyone in college seems to be looking and looking hard. Looking while trying to make it seem like they aren't too stressed about it. In my opinion the guys in the Adventist world have lost their guts. Nobody wants to get their feelings hurt anymore so they don't do anything that will put their feelings and thoughts out there. But somehow people are still getting married. It seems like many people end up settling for what they can get. They don't have the confidence in themselves that if they hold off they might find someone that will really make them happy in every way. Which brings me back to motivation. What if the motivation wasn't to get a girlfriend/boyfriend? What if the motivation was to be the best person that we could possibly be?

When I was a senior in college I got fed up with relationships. I had been in three relationships up to that point and each one ended with its own style of heartbreak. During Christmas break I decided that I was through with trying so hard to find Mrs. Young. I decided to just work on being the best version of me possible. That took some weight off of me. I decided that my new approach couldn't be worse then what was going on before. Now I'm not saying that you should just give up trying to find someone to end up with. I'm saying that it will come naturally if our motivation is in the right place. Being the best version of ourselves will attract people in several ways.

1. Be the kind of person that people want to be around.
People always seem more attractive when you enjoy being around them. Ok that sounds like a stupid statement but we all know people that are just fun to be around. Why are they fun?  It's cause they make people feel good to be around them. Here is something that is simple but not many people do it.  Be the kind of person that doesn't make people feel stupid. Ok making people feel stupid is sometimes funny. But let's say you didn't do it and instead made everybody feel like you appreciated their opinion on things. Do you think the good feelings that they had about you being nice would outweigh the second or two that they thought you were funny. I do. My parents always wanted people to be happy that I came rather then happy that I left. If you did this you would automatically be more fun to be around.  Maya Angelou once said "“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

2. Be confident in the fact that you are a great person
Ok first off in order to be confident in this you have to actually be a great person. But if you know that you are a great person and that you have a lot to offer someone then you can be confident in that. And confidence is one of the most attractive characteristics that somebody can have. There is something about it that just draws people. I'm not talking about being confident about your clothes, car, or money. I am talking about the confidence a person can have when they know that they a great person and anyone would be lucky to end up with them. I think I am speaking more specifically to girls on this. Many times I have seen girls end up with guys that treat them rotten because they don't feel like they can get or deserve any better. Girls will end up being treated as well as they think they deserve to be. I wish that wasn't the case but it's true.  You deserve to be treated great.  Now you have to have confidence in that.

3. With the right motivation everything will take care of itself
Someone once said that the way to get girls/guys is to act like you don't care if you get them.  It's kind of a backwards way of thinking. But this kind of thinking will attract more people. Be concerned with how you are treating people and how you can make everyone feel good to be around you. Don't worry about getting the girl/guy to like you. When you do this everything will take care of itself and you will be happy with how things work out. And what's good about this strategy is that you don't have to worry so much about the whole dating game. You are just yourself. Your best version.

I don't necessarily believe that there is one person that is meant for you.  I do believe that God blesses our decisions.  I also believe that people usually end up with who they deserve.  If you are an awesome person there is a good chance you will end up with an awesome person.  If you are a jerk there is a really good chance that you end up with a jerk.  Every once in a while there is an exception and you always end up feeling bad for the great person who got stuck with a jerk.  My twin sister is an awesome person.  Probably one of the greatest people that I know.  I never worried about who she would end up with.  I knew that because she was so great that she would only attract great people.  And I knew that because she was smart that she wouldn't let anyone treat her less then she deserved.  When she found that awesome person it felt like I had seen it coming for forever.  I tried to do the same in my life.  When I first met Natalie she had all of the confidence in the world and she acted like she would do fine without me.  That is probably the thing that attracted me to her the most.  She didn't need a boyfriend.  I wasn't dying for a girlfriend.  Now we are closing in on our two year anniversary.  None of this would have happend if we would have been looking for each other.  These are my thoughts right now.  Think about them.  When inspiration hits I'll share something else.