Can be cocky. Vanity. Strong Ego. Could be helpful if kept in check.

Cocky:  Overly self-assertive or self-confident.
"He's too cocky."

Nothing rubs young people the wrong way more then somebody with too much confidence.  

When you are young you are on a constant search for who you are.  Many times that includes a list of insecurities.  These insecurities cause us to look at our peers with a competitive eye.  Young people are constantly comparing themselves with other young people.  

I've had many conversations with my college aged friends on why they don't get along with other students.  One reason that always comes up is cockiness.  "Why don't you like that guy?"  "Cause he is cocky."  "Why does that bother you?"  "I don't know. I just don't like that guy."

I realize that people call me cocky.  I know that I am confident.  I've often felt like I am in a lose lose situation.  What is sad to me is that I have not been able to further relationships with people because they will not approach me due to my "cocky" reputation. At the beginning of every school year we have new students come and work in my office.  At the end of each year I feel like I always have the same conversation with students who have worked with me the whole year.  "I didn't like you when I first started working here.  You were really cocky.  But I like you now."  If I have a saving grace it is that once people get to hang out with me for some time they realize that I might not be as bad as they thought and they end up really liking me.  I'm not sure if this is good enough.  What is it that i'm doing to push them away from the beginning? Maybe it's the combination of my loud and in your face personality. Maybe it's cause I will ask anybody any question at any time. 

 It might not seem like this but I have probably thought about the way I come across more then you think I have. Sometimes when I have some buddies over for Sabbath lunch they will tell me about all the times that they have had to defend me to people.  I listen intently.  For the most part the people that don't like me don't know me very well.  It is usually someone who sees me from afar.  Now I realize that that isn't something to really brag about.  Of course people that are close to you and are your friends are going to like you.  If they didn't then you would really be a bad person. But I still want to defend myself a little bit.  At the end of these conversations I always ask my friends if I need to do anything.  "Should I change?"  I always want to know the names of the people that don't like me.  Not because it will change my opinion of them.  Like I said I realize that people feel this way about me.  I want to know who they are so that the next time I see them I can attempt to have a conversation with them.  Maybe through our interaction I can show them that I might not be as bad as they thought I was.  

I know that I have a few things going against me that are going to make it hard for me to ever shake my "cocky" image.  I know that it's easy to dislike me.  And I am not saying that I haven't ever acted cocky or even been cocky for that matter because I know I have.  I want you to know that I know.

At the last Sabbath lunch when we talked about this I was getting frustrated. It is hard to change who you are. After hearing our discussion go on for a few minutes Natalie turned to me and said "Richard stay who you are.  The same reason why some people don't like you is the reason that some people love you." I am still going to be me.  But like I have said all along I am going to try to let God work on me until I am the best version of me.  I don't think that God's finished version of me would be one that is cocky.

When I walk across campus or meet anyone I make a intentional effort to smile at them.  I do this because I know what people think of me.  I think a smile can combat that.  As long as I live I will try to treat people kindly and with love.  You may not like me cause you think that I am cocky.  All I ask is that you give me a chance to work on that.  I will continue to further my walk with Christ.  Through my relationship with him he will mold me into a humble disciple.