Finals Week!

I wrote this a while ago.  I hope it is still funny.  BR

It’s coming up. It’s one week away. Can you smell it? Are you ready for the noise to be brought on you? I think you know what I’m talking about. Finals week!!!! When I was in college finals week was the most unstressful stressful week. I had to act like I didn’t really care about it while caring about it a lot. I am one of those people who think if I act like it isn’t a big deal, maybe it won’t a big deal. And that is the problem with finals week. It isn’t the same for everybody. Nobody has the same finals week but we look to everybody to know how to act and how worried to be. Well fear no more. I am going to break down the different kinds of personalities that will dominate your finals week experience.

The Over Stressed Smart Student.
This is probably my least favorite kind of student. This person complains about all the tests that they have and they know that they aren’t going to do well on the tests. Their stress level is so high that it gets you stressed out. But this is all ridiculous because we know that this person is going to ace all their tests and it is going to be really easy for them. It’s going to be easy for them because they have been on task all semester and have been getting good grades all along. That’s one reason to dislike them. After you struggle through a test you hear the “Over Stressed Smart Student” say things like “That was easier than I thought it would be”. This person is so stressed out that you would think they are about to fail all of their classes. But they don’t. They get way better grades then you. And you hate them.

The Too Smart Student.
This person is good and bad. Good because you can hang around this person and they are not stressed at all. They make you feel like you don’t even need to worry about studying because according to them finals are easy. “Oh yeah I took that macro final from Gibson last semester. Yeah don’t worry about it dude it’s nothing”. They make you feel like the tests will be no problem. These are the kinds of people that sit in class and with their arms folded not taking notes because they are so smart that they don’t need to. But wait. This is a mirage. Don’t fall into the trap. Finals are hard. This person is just way smarter than you and doesn’t have to study. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t study. They give you that false sense that finals are going to be like feeding bunnies. But you have to be honest with yourself. I had a suite mate who would play video games with me all night before a final that we were both in. Since he wasn’t stressed out neither was I. At around three in the morning I began to wonder why he hadn’t started studying for this test that we both had in less than six hours. I found out after he got an awesome grade on it and I didn’t. He didn’t need to study because he was a smart person. Dang smarts.

The Not Smart/Lazy Student
This person is maybe as equally dangerous as the “Too Smart Student” They aren’t going to study for finals at all. Not because they don’t need to. They need to. They probably should have started studying for them two weeks ago. Or maybe they should have turned in an assignment during the semester. Like seriously ONE assignment. But they didn’t. And they know their chances of passing their classes are very slim. So they try to ruin the rest of the students by asking them to go do things with them when they should be studying. “Hey man you want to go the Twins game with me this weekend” “Dude I have a huge “Arts and Ideas” final on Monday I can’t go.” “Nah dude it will be fine you can study in the car.” “Yeah I guess I could do that. Don’t you have a big biology final that day?” “Uh Maybe” As you can see being near this person is not going to do your grades any favors. Also just a quick observation, nobody has ever studied for anything in a car. So don’t put that extra 15 pounds of books in your backpack when you are going on that trip. You aren’t going to pull a book out once.

Logan On Facebook
Avoid this person if you are trying to study.


The Student With The Most Awesome Finals Schedule Of All Time!!!
So you are talking with this guy and you are explaining that you have one final on Monday, two on Tuesday and two on Wednesday. Then this guy says “Oh yeah most of my classes don’t have finals except for “gymnastics for everyone” and that one is at 11:30 on Monday. I think I will probably pack up and go home after that”. Be careful to not stab this student in the face after you hear this news. I know you will be tempted to but in the long run the prison time will just not be worth it. And don’t think you can get away with this either. They will find the body.

The Student With The Worst Finals Schedule Of All Time!!!
These are the people that are taking 24 hrs and they have 3 finals every day. And all of their finals are harder then your hardest one. Avoid these people at all costs. It will be hard for you to study for your finals when you are contemplating killing yourself after hearing about their schedule. They will bring you down with their terrible lives. I’m getting depressed just thinking about it.


These are usually the people that you come across at finals week. As a rule of thumb the more stressed out a student is the better their grades are. Of course there are exceptions to this. But you don’t see terrible students really stressed out about finals. And you don’t see good students shrugging finals off. So good luck with finals next week, hopefully you won’t need it.