Knowing that you did something wrong and admitting to it is one of the hardest things that a human ever has to do. It's almost impossible for me. When Natalie and I first got married I would come up with any number of excuses why I said the thing I said that hurt her feelings. I never wanted her to think that I was a bad person or that I was inconsiderate. So whenever I hurt her feelings I would tell her that her feelings were wrong and that she took what I said the wrong way. I was so frustrated and irritated with myself that I didn't want to admit that I had done anything hurtful. Trying to explain to my wife that she was wrong and that I really wasn't a jerk did a lot more harm then it did good. What I should have done was just say that I was sorry.
When my feelings are hurt I don't want a big explanation on why my feelings shouldn't be hurt. What I want is an apology. I want the person that hurt my feelings to understand that what they said did hurt. I want them to tell me that they wish they hadn't have said it and that they will try to not repeat these actions. That is what my wife expects from me. That is what I should deliver.
I think not being able to say you are sorry and admit to yourself and to the person that you care about that you did wrong is rooted in self interest. Instead of thinking of the hurt we have caused we are only worried about our own image. We don't want to believe that we are bad people. That is why we don't fess up.
Knowing I did something wrong upsets me. I should be better then that, but the truth is I'm not. I make mistakes. I hurt people's feelings.
The more I am aware of thinking about myself when I say something stupid the sooner I can change that attitude and have genuine regret for hurting somebody by saying something thoughtless.
2 comments:
I know this characteristic as well. I can definitely relate, bro. I think it also goes hand-in-hand with forgiving yourself as well; to let God take the wrong from your mind & accept His forgiveness...it's one of the toughest things for me to do. God knows it, though and is SO understanding- that's what amazes me the most.
I was juggling whether to write it about what you mentioned. When I sin against God I always feel unworthy of his forgiveness. Instead of trying to be close to him and ask for forgiveness I turn away from him. This is Satan's attack. The time that we are turning away from the Lord is the time that we need him the most.
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