By Scott Cushman and Seth Pierce

Headlines that DIDN’T happen during GC session:

1. Union College fined for operating unlicensed daycare.
2. Pastor loses job after eyes open broadcast during prayer close-up on Hope Channel.
3. Delegate sells badge on Ebay, facilitates Jesuit infiltration.
4. Despite gathering the best speakers in the world, Adventists continue to linger in hallway.
5. ESPN camera crew broadcast Doug Batchelor and Mark Finley in scheduling snafu. Billed as “Rumble of the Humble.”
6. Song leader’s wild gestures interpreted as swearing in American Sign Language.
7. “White flight” in Atlanta now means avoiding literature evangelists selling The Great Controversy.
8. Speaker mistakes glow from cell phones as the Holy Spirit descending.
9. Crowd begins to leave stadium after opening prayer to “beat the rush.”
10. Southwestern Adventist University vows booth in San Antonio will be a a full water park.