Moody but not a problem for this job

Natalie and I were lying in bed the other night talking about each other's personalities.  I mentioned that I thought that I was a pretty simple person.  I know that in our relationship I tend to be the high maintenance one.  But I thought that I was at least easy to read.  I want to sit at home, watch the Royals game and eat a sandwich.  "You, simple? Are you kidding me?"  Natalie was not on the same page with me on how I perceived myself.  "You are not simple at all.  It is hard to know what is going on with you."  I did not like hearing this.  Would it have been better for me to not know that about myself?  What is worse?  Walking around oblivious to who you are and how you make people feel?  Or having a good idea about who you are and not caring even if it isn't a good thing.  I know that I can be a pain sometimes.  Since I know that, it isn't fair to use my knowledge of it as an excuse.  I need to step up and take responsibility of my actions and my moods.

I don't know how long it has been this way, but being moody is sometimes seen as something cool.  Maybe it makes us seem like we have a lot to think about.  Maybe it makes us seem important.  Maybe there is something artistic about being depressed.  Tumblr has all sorts of blogs romanticizing moodiness.  I tend to think that being a creative, artistic person leads to moodiness. When you are constantly creating something new and putting yourself out there you might feel a certain nakedness and vulnerability that leads to insecurity and moodiness.  I know that when I am creating something I always want it to contain depth.  I want to be able to tell a story through a picture or writing that has layers that you have to unfold to really understand it.

During dinner tonight my buddy asked me what it feels like to have a successful blog.  Immediately a million thoughts flood into my head.  I really don't know how to answer this question.  Do I acknowledge that I think that it is popular or do I deny it's popular and act like I don't care if people read it?  Do I tell him what I really think?  Does he really care?  I came down to the conclusion that it was a simple question that deserved a simple answer.  He doesn't want to get to the bottom of my insecurities.  He didn't want to delve into my psyche.  He wanted to know if I appreciated people looking at my blog.  Which of course I do.  I think the reason that all of these things jumped into my mind is that in some areas of my life I am very insecure about things.  The people that act the most confident are many times the most insecure.  These are things that are going on in my head that I need to deal with.  I don't need to bring anyone along with me.

My mom made a comment once that has always stuck with me.  We were talking about characteristics of girls.  She told me "Richard the last thing you want in the world is a moody girl.  Never date a moody girl.  She will make you miserable."  Now I realize that I have been the moody one.  Is my personality one that leads towards moodiness?  Maybe, but that isn't an excuse.  Since I know that I have those tendencies I need to think about how I am around people.  I need to develop a consistent attitude.   It's time to stop making people miserable.  Maybe I'll trade places and let Natalie be the moody girl for once.