How to make your ex girlfriend hate you more: A how to guide by Richard Young

Ok I think a sufficient amount of years have passed since this story has taken place so that I can now finally publish this mug on the internets. If you haven't noticed from this blog I am a big fan of Saturday Night Live. My plan is to one day host Saturday Night Live and then make my jump into professional sports. One of my favorite characters on SNL was played by Tim Meadows. The character's name is "The Ladies Man" That's right! I don't do voices very well but I feel like I have "The Ladies Man" voice down pretty well.

 The sketches that the "The Ladies Man" character would appear in involved a talk show where people would call up and ask questions to the all wise Leon Phelps (AKA Ladies Man) and he would answer their queries. On a particular episode someone calls up and asks Leon how to break up with a girl. Leon says that you just wait for a lull in the conversation and then you say "Listen, I got to get out of here" and then you leave. When I first saw this I started cracking up. I don't know why but it struck a chord with me. Maybe it's cause I'm the last person that you should ask advice to about how to break up with a girl. And no, sufficient years have not passed where I am able to tell some of those stories. Let's just say I have the worst breaking up skills of all time. OF ALL TIME(Kanye voice)! So naturally I thought that was a really funny way to break up with a girl.

So one day I'm sitting in the computer lab on the third floor of the Dick building joking with my friends Aaron Purkeypile and Michael Paradise (not their real names). And I finished whatever I was working on (ski free) and decided that I was going to leave the lab. Right before I was going to leave I turned to Michael and Aaron and said "Listen, I got to get out of here." If I would have just left it at that both Michael and Aaron (not real names) would have understood what I was talking about since we shared a suite in Prescott and there are very few secrets/inside jokes that aren't shared with suite mates. But I had to add "And that what's I said to my last girlfriend" to the end of that sentence. Michael (Not the previous youth director for the Kansas/Nebraska conference) let out a "Yeah Boyyyeee" and Aaron (not a current minister in the Atlantic Union) hollered out a "Thas what I'm talking about Playboiiii." We gave each other dap and then I commenced to shut down my computer. As I was getting up to leave I noticed that my ex girlfriend was standing at the copier and she looked none to pleased with her life. It had been about two minutes after I had said my final goodbyes to my buddies so I did not remember that I just said something that if anyone would have heard would probably make her look like a fool and me the biggest jerk in the whole world. So when I saw her disgusted at me face I did not understand what the problem was. I walked up to her and said "What's up Bathsheeba?" (This is actually not her real name.) She looked at me and gave me a look that went right through me and into my soul. A look so bad that if I picture it I get scared and have to sing Bieber songs just to forget it. She made an about face and left the computer lab with me standing at the copier wondering why she could possibly be mad at me. I mean we had broken up a month and a half ago. It took about three seconds but when it dawned on me that she was in the computer lab when I had joked about how her and I parted ways my jaw dropped and I turned to see if anyone in the computer lab saw our little exchange. To my surprise everyone in the computer lab had turned away from their computers and they were all looking at me with shame and disgust in their eyes. One guy actually said "dude...not cool". I turned to Michael and Aaron (not a previous class ASB Pastor and Union For Christ Director) and they gave me a look that said "Hey homey we didn't know that your ex girlfriend who currently hates you was in the computer lab when you made that joke but now you look like a jerk and we want nothing to do with you in public but we will see you back in the dorm at around midnight to play video games till three."

Needless to say I had to hunt down my ex girlfriend and apologize. She didn't understand that what I said wasn't about her and that it was just a sketch from Saturday Night Live. Even though I feel like I explained it with alot of detail. I wonder why she didn't think it was funny? So I guess the point of this story is that if you are ever going to bust a joke that has anything to do with previous relationship you might just want to leave that mug for the dorm at around 3 in the morning. You probably won't hurt anyone with the joke and it will be funnier because by that time everyone will be sleep deprived and happy.